Losses Reflected in Laughter

What is playing on the iPod? Desert Rose by Sting

I have a saying that I use with my kids. When the whining becomes excessive, I simply ask the child currently whining if they want cheese with that. This usually results with an "UGH!" from the whiner and the whining stops. Some days, I choose to address things that would normally piss me off with humor. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not.

This past Sunday, my grandfather died. He was my last surviving grandparent and his death was unexpected. He was in a nursing home because of declining mental health and the decision to place him there has weighed hard on my father. Not to mention the comments and behavior from family members berating him for that choice. To those jackasses that I have an unfortunate biological tie with, if they read this, I say one thing. Screw you. You are not worthy of anything more than that. Wait a second, two things, kiss my ass. Now you are worthy of no more.

So, losing a grandparent is difficult on anyone but watching my Dad has been heart wrenching. This past Friday night, my grandfather refused dinner. The next day, he refused any food or drink whatsoever. That evening, his nurse called my dad and told him they were transporting my grandfather to the ER. My parents went up there and were told that due to circumstances, he probably was not going to "be here much longer". The next morning at 11:45, he was gone.

So for the third time in four years, my family has buried one of my grandparents. My coping mechanism is odd. I get silly, thus the title of this blog. For instance, 11 years ago, I experienced pain that I had never had before. I lost one of my best friends and one of the best people on the face of the planet. Christy passed away in September 2008. For a solid 24 hours, I cried. I got mad with God, cried, cursed, experienced a raw sense of shock at losing someone so vital and full of life, laughter and love. It was not fair.

At the end of her funeral when the pallbearers were rolling her casket by, it kept going and going. Christy, like myself, was short, yet this casket was long. A six foot tall man easily could have used that one. I put my fisted hand over my mouth to stiffle the laughing that I could feel bubbling up. I leaned my head over and my shoulders started shaking. To anyone behind me, it would appear that I was sobbing, yet I was on the verge of hysterical laughter. As if she were sitting right beside me, I heard Christy's voice.

"What in the hell am I doing in THAT? Did no one notice how short I was?"

That simple, albeit it highly inappropriate laughter, caused a break in the tears and made the rest of that day possible.

My grandfather's funeral was Wednesday, two days ago. Yesterday, my youngest son had a field trip to see a play about 45 minutes away. Afterwards, a group of us took our kids to a nearby mall for lunch in the food court. One of our friends took her kid for some shopping and I was walking with my friend Amanda while her grandmother had our sons. In the commercialized spirit of Christmas, the kiosks are out in full swing. One guy was eyeing Amanda and me as we walked by and Amanda made the comment that he was going to try to sell us something on the way back. I shrugged it off, thinking that I would come up with a way to let us pass without being approached for a sale. This had promise. Amanda had a cold and was feeling bad. I was at my grandfather's funeral a mere 24 hours prior. Both of us needed a laugh. On our way back to meet Amanda's grandmother and our kids, sure enough, the guy approached us.

"Excuse me ladies, would you like..."

I got my best game face on and held up a hand. "Dude, please back off. You are probably going to offend my girlfriend."

Then I stared straight ahead and walked off. Amanda nearly lost it, barely controlling her laughter.

"I. Can. Not. Believe. You. Did. That."

"You are just lucky I did not put my arm around you."

It worked. We laughed and felt a little better about our respective situations.

Laughter amidst pain. It works for some, it mortifies others. It helps me cope. It the time ever comes when you are in a similar situation, try the laughter. If it does not work, hey, you tried.